Please join me in welcomingDr. Jennifer Freed, author of Lessons from Stanley the Cat to Always With a Book!
Does First Love Last?
by Dr. Jennifer Freed, author of new top selling book Lessons from Stanley the CatThe lessons of first love last forever. Everyone will tell you that you never forget your first love. Most of us feel like when we fall in love for the first time that it will be eternal. We are innocent. We are idealistic. We are overcome with the profound emotions that accompany truly loving another person. We even can feel like no one has ever felt this way before.
The truth is that it is rare for a love relationship that begins in High School to endure for a lifetime.
Why?
Our brains are not fully formed till we are about 25 years old and our growth and reproductive hormones are raging during our teen years. Together this combination provides a drug-like concoction of fantasy, lust, and unchained romanticism. In other words we are not yet able to use all our best judgment; we are charged with chemistry that is out of this world; and we are feeling invincible when it comes to love.
A love relationship that lasts needs:
1) A balanced and mature mind 2) A connection that goes beyond chemistry (because that first divine charge fades with time no matter what) 3) An ability to work through disappointment, loss, and disagreements 4) A shared value system that can grow and change through time 5) The absence of addictions, violence, and dishonesty
Is it wrong to believe your love is so special and beautiful that it will beat the odds? No! That belief is a way that we move forward in our lessons in love. However it is important when completely diving in to consider that it may not last. The minute you get sexually involved with someone you lose objectivity and the ability to make rational assessments about the appropriateness of a romantic partner. The glue of sexual intensity can make anyone seem essential to you, and many people have made damaging decisions based solely on this physical craving. It is hard to believe that superhuman attraction doesn’t equal life long compatibility but it doesn’t.
If we can tolerate the possibility that this may not work out (emotional maturity and logic) then we can make better decisions based on emotional safety, sexual wisdom, and keeping our friends and worlds intact instead of giving everything to one person.
A relationship can last if we take it slow and really get to know someone deeply. It takes anywhere from 6 months to 2 years for the LOVE DRUGS of attraction to wear off, or wane. Therefore it really should be about two years before you make any permanent decision to be with anyone. It takes about that long to see the other person clearly without the haze of the intoxicating hormones of romance. If you are aiming for a lifetime with someone then a two-year trial period is no big deal right?
So can FIRST LOVE LAST? Yes if you are willing to go super slow even when your heart is beating extra fast and you are committed to your own balance and growth more than the fantasy of being saved by love. More importantly the first love that matters most of all is the one you have for yourself: your integrity, your self worth, your talents and skills, your health and healthy habits, your education, and your future.
This love will never let you down and will last forever.
About the Author: For more than 25 years, Jennifer Freed, Ph.D., has been a licensed marriage and family counselor, group psychotherapist and educator. She was the Clinical Director at PACIFICA GRADUATE INSTITUTE, one of the country’s leading centers for depth psychology, where she continues to serve as a professor and workshop leader.
Dr. Freed is a recognized expert on behavioral matters such as teen bullying, character development, marriage and family relationships, and diversity issues. She has provided thousands with the practical tools to compassionately reassess personal behaviors and make significant life changes.
National media appearances include GOOD MORNING AMERICA, NATIONAL PUBLIC RADIO, ABC NEWS, FOX NEWS, SIRRIUS RADIO, AIR AMERICA, USA TODAY, DISNEY.COM, LIFESCRIPT.COM, and others. Jennifer Freed currently hosts the popular radio program FREED UP! on Voice America.
Jennifer Freed is the co-founder/director of the highly successful teen program called THE ACADEMY OF HEALING ARTS (AHA!), which serves more than 1000 families annually in the state of California. AHA! is dedicated to the development of character, imagination, emotional intelligence, and social conscience in teenagers , while helping them set goals, support their peers, and serve their community. For The Academy of Healing Arts, Dr. Freed created the educational book series “BECOME YOUR BEST SELF”, which includes workbooks on Relationship Wisdom, Character, Compassion and Creative Expression, targeted to teens and young adults.
In addition to the workbook series, Dr. Freed has published THE ULTIMATE PERSONALITY GUIDE, a popular interactive guidebook for understanding personality typologies. Her latest book published by Penguin,LESSONS FROM STANLEY THE CAT: Nine Lives of Everyday Wisdom, inspired by a beloved feline friend, has received rave reviews. To learn more about Stanley, please visit stanleythecat.com.
Dr. Freed is the recipient of the 2009 Santa Barbara’s Local Heroes Award and THE HOPE AWARD from Sierra Tucson Treatment Center, in recognition of her innovative curriculum for high school teenagers, which led to a 75% reduction in school suspensions. The Academy of Healing Arts was just awarded YOUTH PROGRAM OF THE YEAR by the City of Santa Barbara in 2010 and AHA! is also the recipient of the 2010 Southern California Teen Coalition Teenie Award in the category of Be the Change Award – this category recognizes youth/teen groups/organizations that are working to help teens make a difference in the world or in their community by projects, activities or personal changes that actually make tangible differences. The membership of the SCTC is about 500 strong with about 70 or more agencies represented.
She also was the founder of the statewide program called THE MEDIA PROJECT which worked with teens to produce media products for the prevention of drugs and violent offenses.
Additionally, Jennifer is a renowned psychological astrologer with thousands of clients all over the country and the world. She is the director of Astrological Counseling Seminars which has provided classes to over a thousand students. She has also maintained a clinical practice in Santa Barbara serving individuals, couples, and families for 26 years.
You can visit her website at www.jenniferfreed.com.
Thank you Dr. Freed for visiting and now on to the giveaway.
GIVEAWAY RULES (closed):
I have onecopy of Lessons from Stanley the Cat for readers of this blog open to US and Canada readers only.
Rules:
- For ONE entry enter your name and email on the form below.
- For TWO entries follow my blog. If you already are following me through Google Friend Connect thank you for following my blog. Just let me know in form by answering the optional question three.
- For THREE entries post about this giveaway to spread the word. Be sure to share the link of your post in optional question four on the form.
Giveaway will end on March 2nd 2011 at midnight.
I will draw one winner using Random.org on March 3rd 2011
To be entered no entries by comments.
YOU MUST FILL OUT THE FORM OR IT WILL NOT COUNT.
*Form closed
Thanks to everyone for entering! Good luck!
Thank you for hosting this giveaway. I enjoyed the guest post.